Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Pretty, Unpretty...I dont want to care about pretty!!

I think this whole concept of "pretty" is much more about and for other women. Women judge other women harshly, while some men don’t pay half as much attention. I have a hard time understanding why women cannot embrace other women.

Perhaps it is the innate fear of not finding the man of their dreams, so other women are a threat?

This happens so much in Christian circles and it makes. me .sick.
This whole pretty race is so stupid. I wish we could look beyond the superficial and always wish other people the best. I mean, why the heck not?! Sometimes I feel like I have entered the race when I just try to make myself look decent. But because I didn’t care to be in the race in the first place I get trampled on when people feel like they need to push harder. '
Why do I feel insecure or un-pretty with other women and why ,whhhyy, does it have to matter with them?
It’s strange but true. I know that some girls admire the fact that I can look nice and don’t care what they think of me, but then they don’t know what to do with that. Or how about when I naturally and efforlessly wear the messy look because I didn't care to do anything and people compliment my hair still. Flattering yes, but I get this.. "oh" when I say that all I did was sleep on it.
But, I think I like it better that way. My pretty is temporary, but my beauty grows within me. I’d rather have a beautiful heart and great character than a gratifying temporal outward appearance any day.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I should be writting in a class blog right now, but I can't seem to write anything good at the moment. and I remebered that I had this.

So I've neglected this blog for way too long.
During the past few months, this past semster I have learned a lot.
Though I have learned alot in my classes, I've learned a lot about myself.
One of those things being that I don't like being vulnerable.

I used to think that I was. Maybe suddenly I closed up to the world?
Umm.. that i still haven't understood why. It's so easy for my to analyze other peoples lives, but when it comes to my own, suddenly I can't. Perhaps it's my emotions... I will finally admit that.
I am an emotional person.
No matter how much I don't like crying in front of people and close myself off..it doesn't make me anyless of an emotional person.
Just makes me one who also doesn't like to disclose. Which is a terrible mix btw.
So I'm glad this semester is over. It didn't go well at all tho.
I think my biggest faliure always began when I wasn't in God's word and I wasn't in consistent prayer. *note to self*

Yea, bring everything before God.
I want his blessing before mans praises any day.

So, even if i fail everything...I know God is beyond my circumstances.
I feel his grace beyond my faliure.

I'm sure in someways Job felt like a failure...but God was still beside him.
I'm spent...