Pretty, Unpretty...I dont want to care about pretty!!

I think this whole concept of "pretty" is much more about and for other women. Women judge other women harshly, while some men don’t pay half as much attention. I have a hard time understanding why women cannot embrace other women.

Perhaps it is the innate fear of not finding the man of their dreams, so other women are a threat?

This happens so much in Christian circles and it makes. me .sick.
This whole pretty race is so stupid. I wish we could look beyond the superficial and always wish other people the best. I mean, why the heck not?! Sometimes I feel like I have entered the race when I just try to make myself look decent. But because I didn’t care to be in the race in the first place I get trampled on when people feel like they need to push harder. '
Why do I feel insecure or un-pretty with other women and why ,whhhyy, does it have to matter with them?
It’s strange but true. I know that some girls admire the fact that I can look nice and don’t care what they think of me, but then they don’t know what to do with that. Or how about when I naturally and efforlessly wear the messy look because I didn't care to do anything and people compliment my hair still. Flattering yes, but I get this.. "oh" when I say that all I did was sleep on it.
But, I think I like it better that way. My pretty is temporary, but my beauty grows within me. I’d rather have a beautiful heart and great character than a gratifying temporal outward appearance any day.

I should be writting in a class blog right now, but I can't seem to write anything good at the moment. and I remebered that I had this.

So I've neglected this blog for way too long.
During the past few months, this past semster I have learned a lot.
Though I have learned alot in my classes, I've learned a lot about myself.
One of those things being that I don't like being vulnerable.

I used to think that I was. Maybe suddenly I closed up to the world?
Umm.. that i still haven't understood why. It's so easy for my to analyze other peoples lives, but when it comes to my own, suddenly I can't. Perhaps it's my emotions... I will finally admit that.
I am an emotional person.
No matter how much I don't like crying in front of people and close myself off..it doesn't make me anyless of an emotional person.
Just makes me one who also doesn't like to disclose. Which is a terrible mix btw.
So I'm glad this semester is over. It didn't go well at all tho.
I think my biggest faliure always began when I wasn't in God's word and I wasn't in consistent prayer. *note to self*

Yea, bring everything before God.
I want his blessing before mans praises any day.

So, even if i fail everything...I know God is beyond my circumstances.
I feel his grace beyond my faliure.

I'm sure in someways Job felt like a failure...but God was still beside him.
I'm spent...

The world is colder then I once knew...

So, I should be typing away at my paper but of course I find myself getting distracted another way.

The holidays should be a time of joy, love happiness and cheer.

It should be sharing some great times with loved ones, sharing warm affection.
But this is not what I find this year.

I am with a dysfunctional somewhat nuclear family.
And I think they might just explode. ha! just kidding.

I wish I was with my grandma right now..
She's taught me everything I know about life, what it means to love and being loving. What is means to serve and have hospitality. She is the one who taught me how to read, how to speak spanish, math(which explains why It's not my strength, lol), to care for the things that are yours, stay fit and healthy, she taught me a thing on praying for people even though i always had a problem with praying to saints and using a roasary.ha!.
She taught me how to love because she loves with everything she has.
I think love is magnetic, it can be contagious when it's accepted.

Her nurturing hand of love was God's way of blessing me at three.

So please God, I want see her again soon. Let that be my Christmas blessing :)
Happy Birthday grandma. Happy Birthday Jesus.


----------------------

Communication

I've realized that in communicating, you don't have to try to be perfect. All you need is the desire to communicate what you are saying. Say what you need to say. Be assured of what you are saying. And then don't be afraid to say what you need to.
Simple!

"From the heart the mouth speaks"

My first post!

Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing, thinking of life, and thinking deep, philosophical thoughts. So I figured this might help me to debrief my day, write it all down, and hopefully encourage you in the process.
I hope that I would continue to write in this often, so that that I can look back and remember how faithful God is in times when my mind forgets and my heart becomes weary.

Oh Lord, let me never forget all that you have done in my life. You are awesome, everlasting, unchanging, and always faithful. Daily draw me to yourself , daily I am reminded of your faithfulness.

<3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Bidi